Another block in the code...
A new day, a new horizon is rising, I'm standing on top of the water looking forward into the hollow point where the bright shining ripples in the ocean meets the overwhelming sky. I'm floating completely still - frozen in time. At the same time there is a whole lot of commotion around me, people running all around, doing errands, talking, laughing - being alive. But to me, they are just fragments of time, shattered all around, like a photograph of a car speeding 200 miles an hour - the only thing visible is bright skid marks of light and color.
This is how my life feels right now, my mind is encapsulated inside itself, thinking, dreaming - being so close to something big, yet unattainable. Everything happens so fast, the impressions doesn't have time to sink in, just floating around trying to hold on - my semantic antennas are offline. That was until now, everything is coming to me, while I'm suspended in time, you could have screamed my name all you want, and I wouldn't have noticed it.
I'm overwhelmed by my own thoughts, I'm right here, at the perfect place, I'm at the top of my game, its almost as I can see the future, but not grasp it - just look, no touching. I know I will get there in time, patience is the key, but patience is a word that don't exist anymore - its lost in my need, my drive to complete my goal. I want it now.
The question is, how do you reprogram your own mind to forget everything you know is going to happen in 1, 2,3..etc.. years. How do you not care, and continue your life as before, if you suddenly knew for sure you would win the lottery, or something as big, in two years?
This is how I feel right now, I made the perfect choice, the study place, the apartment I moved into, friends I've made. Its all perfect. But nothing and nobody is perfect, thats the only true statement we can say for sure, but why do this feel so much like it, if its all fake?
I'm so close to success, yet its atleast three more years to go, can I fail anyways? Is it my fault the fact that I feel like I don't have to worry about anything, that everything will go along smoothly without trouble? Am I turning blind through my own self-righteous mind?
These questions keep going around in circles in my head, I'm too used to having something absolutely wrong in my life, having a goal to break out of the vicious circle I was living in. But now as I'm so close to finally breaking free, to finally being me, and not a copycat or trapped inside something else. I'm actually too afraid to acknowledge this fact, that I'm starting to force myself into failure, just to get back into familiar parts.
My goals have always been, to have success by making use of my intellect - to creatively use my abilities to create something new, productive to our society. Of course this will be of commercial use, but I don't want to become a mediaperson, I know by myself I won't cope with it. But at the same time, I'm always striving to be perfect, anything less doesn't matter. Everything below my prestated evaluation of my potential will be a failure. If I think I can make 1 million in a month and make only 900 000 USD, its a failure. If I think I can get an A on a study project and end up with a B+, I might as well have gotten an E, because I failed myself anyway.
Is this the pivotal point that is going to make me fail and kill my self-esteem?
In many ways I live my life like a programmer, striving to always get my code perfect. The most efficient and best way possible, so my output makes everyone go "WOW". How do you code the perfect code in life?
What language does the brain speak?
The answer in my mind will be - none, our brain is universal, just a tool. We can all be whatever we want to be, but our own inner ambition is actually making us fail ourselves, by doubting our abilities and not imagineing the unthinkable. But there is always some rarities, that is created different, that is able to make the jump. That have so much belief in themselves and their projects, that anything other than success is unthinkable, failure is not an option.
"Cars WILL be the number one transport vehicle", "Computers ARE the future".
The majority is always wrong, and you are always right.
This leads onto the familiar pitch of dating, the never-ending story of getting someone to respect you, to love you, to rise you up and give you a boost to fulfill your dreams. Our physical and mental construction are made for intimacy, without it we are slowly petrifying, decaying - turning into a vegetable. But how do one make this happen?
I don't think there will ever be possible to turn this into a working algorithm - a block of code. We are all individuals who do not act alike, but our society defines us as a teamworking species, using the same protocols. Therein lies the problem, what happens when a individual is born with a different protocol, how do you connect to the world wide web of intimacy without an IP-Adress?
Of course, you can always try to change, fake your own IP-Adress, but that would be the same as trying to learn to Urdu, and convince yourself that its your native language. For those of us who have this problem, fulfilling the everlasting need of intimacy is pure luck.
As long as nothing is happening you start to feel every muscle in your body aching to be used, to be touched, but at the same time you start to get afraid of the same thing - you become your own paradox.
The solution is to do something you can't accomplish. Its like locking your carkeys inside the car, the only way to get to your keys, is to use them to unlock the door.
I find myself in this situation, only I know I will eventually learn how to decipher the unfamiliar protocol through time, and brute force. Not unlike the carkey situation, you know if you try long enough you will eventually pick the doorlock and get to the keys, but the question is, do you have the time to wait that long?
Now its time to introduce luck - a friend who helps you, a service station who opens the door, or you just find yourself lucky enough that the trunk was open and climb into the car that way.
Ask anyone who has ever found someone they match seamlessly perfectly with, how they did it - 9/10 will answer some random occation, or a long string of happenings that eventually turned out the right way.
Each day, you have the potential to make a lifechanging connection, everything that happens, every person you meet, every word you say, is a choice. Each choice has its own path, which path is the right one?
What would my life be if I hadn't chosen this school, if I hadn't gotten a certain job, if I were sick that day..etc.. Just one minor change is enough to alter your life forever.
We as humans - persons, individuals are never better than our own experiences, tell a person not to drink and drive, and it won't have any effect. But let the same person experience death as a result of drinking and driving, and he will never do it again.
Try to recall a big happening in your life, and then redraw everything that happened at exactly that crossroad, make a list of atleast 10 different choices you could have made up until that moment. How many of those paths do you think would have given you exactly the right level of experience to make the same choice you made?
The possibilites are endless and the answers are infinite.
"....to boldy go where no man has ever gone before".
My new key to happiness, is to meditate my heart and soul, to always look for uncharted territory and walk straight into it with my head up high. And that is exactly what I intend to do.
"....space, the final frontier".
-Øyvind.
This is how my life feels right now, my mind is encapsulated inside itself, thinking, dreaming - being so close to something big, yet unattainable. Everything happens so fast, the impressions doesn't have time to sink in, just floating around trying to hold on - my semantic antennas are offline. That was until now, everything is coming to me, while I'm suspended in time, you could have screamed my name all you want, and I wouldn't have noticed it.
I'm overwhelmed by my own thoughts, I'm right here, at the perfect place, I'm at the top of my game, its almost as I can see the future, but not grasp it - just look, no touching. I know I will get there in time, patience is the key, but patience is a word that don't exist anymore - its lost in my need, my drive to complete my goal. I want it now.
The question is, how do you reprogram your own mind to forget everything you know is going to happen in 1, 2,3..etc.. years. How do you not care, and continue your life as before, if you suddenly knew for sure you would win the lottery, or something as big, in two years?
This is how I feel right now, I made the perfect choice, the study place, the apartment I moved into, friends I've made. Its all perfect. But nothing and nobody is perfect, thats the only true statement we can say for sure, but why do this feel so much like it, if its all fake?
I'm so close to success, yet its atleast three more years to go, can I fail anyways? Is it my fault the fact that I feel like I don't have to worry about anything, that everything will go along smoothly without trouble? Am I turning blind through my own self-righteous mind?
These questions keep going around in circles in my head, I'm too used to having something absolutely wrong in my life, having a goal to break out of the vicious circle I was living in. But now as I'm so close to finally breaking free, to finally being me, and not a copycat or trapped inside something else. I'm actually too afraid to acknowledge this fact, that I'm starting to force myself into failure, just to get back into familiar parts.
My goals have always been, to have success by making use of my intellect - to creatively use my abilities to create something new, productive to our society. Of course this will be of commercial use, but I don't want to become a mediaperson, I know by myself I won't cope with it. But at the same time, I'm always striving to be perfect, anything less doesn't matter. Everything below my prestated evaluation of my potential will be a failure. If I think I can make 1 million in a month and make only 900 000 USD, its a failure. If I think I can get an A on a study project and end up with a B+, I might as well have gotten an E, because I failed myself anyway.
Is this the pivotal point that is going to make me fail and kill my self-esteem?
In many ways I live my life like a programmer, striving to always get my code perfect. The most efficient and best way possible, so my output makes everyone go "WOW". How do you code the perfect code in life?
What language does the brain speak?
The answer in my mind will be - none, our brain is universal, just a tool. We can all be whatever we want to be, but our own inner ambition is actually making us fail ourselves, by doubting our abilities and not imagineing the unthinkable. But there is always some rarities, that is created different, that is able to make the jump. That have so much belief in themselves and their projects, that anything other than success is unthinkable, failure is not an option.
"Cars WILL be the number one transport vehicle", "Computers ARE the future".
The majority is always wrong, and you are always right.
This leads onto the familiar pitch of dating, the never-ending story of getting someone to respect you, to love you, to rise you up and give you a boost to fulfill your dreams. Our physical and mental construction are made for intimacy, without it we are slowly petrifying, decaying - turning into a vegetable. But how do one make this happen?
I don't think there will ever be possible to turn this into a working algorithm - a block of code. We are all individuals who do not act alike, but our society defines us as a teamworking species, using the same protocols. Therein lies the problem, what happens when a individual is born with a different protocol, how do you connect to the world wide web of intimacy without an IP-Adress?
Of course, you can always try to change, fake your own IP-Adress, but that would be the same as trying to learn to Urdu, and convince yourself that its your native language. For those of us who have this problem, fulfilling the everlasting need of intimacy is pure luck.
As long as nothing is happening you start to feel every muscle in your body aching to be used, to be touched, but at the same time you start to get afraid of the same thing - you become your own paradox.
The solution is to do something you can't accomplish. Its like locking your carkeys inside the car, the only way to get to your keys, is to use them to unlock the door.
I find myself in this situation, only I know I will eventually learn how to decipher the unfamiliar protocol through time, and brute force. Not unlike the carkey situation, you know if you try long enough you will eventually pick the doorlock and get to the keys, but the question is, do you have the time to wait that long?
Now its time to introduce luck - a friend who helps you, a service station who opens the door, or you just find yourself lucky enough that the trunk was open and climb into the car that way.
Ask anyone who has ever found someone they match seamlessly perfectly with, how they did it - 9/10 will answer some random occation, or a long string of happenings that eventually turned out the right way.
Each day, you have the potential to make a lifechanging connection, everything that happens, every person you meet, every word you say, is a choice. Each choice has its own path, which path is the right one?
What would my life be if I hadn't chosen this school, if I hadn't gotten a certain job, if I were sick that day..etc.. Just one minor change is enough to alter your life forever.
We as humans - persons, individuals are never better than our own experiences, tell a person not to drink and drive, and it won't have any effect. But let the same person experience death as a result of drinking and driving, and he will never do it again.
Try to recall a big happening in your life, and then redraw everything that happened at exactly that crossroad, make a list of atleast 10 different choices you could have made up until that moment. How many of those paths do you think would have given you exactly the right level of experience to make the same choice you made?
The possibilites are endless and the answers are infinite.
"....to boldy go where no man has ever gone before".
My new key to happiness, is to meditate my heart and soul, to always look for uncharted territory and walk straight into it with my head up high. And that is exactly what I intend to do.
"....space, the final frontier".
-Øyvind.
posted by Øyvind at 03:10
1 Comments:
goooooooooooooooo!
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